The Realization
by beautifulallure
Summary: Manny is confused about what to do, which road should she take? What is going to make her the happiest?
1. Chapter One

Why do you always do this to me? , I asked myself as I sat on my bed. My eyes were swollen and my face was hot. I looked at my clock; the bright red letters glared 3 AM.

"Oh shit." I said out loud in the realization that I had been crying for 5 hours because of him. The reason I always cried. The reason I constantly felt like dying inside. Craig.

Yesterday, it all came out. Ashley found out about me and Craig, she realized he was a cheating, lying bastard. But she wasn't the only one who made that realization. I myself finally took in what I already knew. I hated it so much, when he came up to me after talking to Ashley. I wanted so badly to run into his arms, give him a kiss and tell him everything was okay. That I completely understand, and that im so happy because we could be together. It took so much strength for me to do what I did. But now, I find myself regretting it. Plaguing myself with could of, would of, and should ofs. I wonder what would have happened if I just would have just would have done what I truly wanted to do, and just hold him. 

I get myself up from bed, I just can't sleep anymore. I look around my eyes fixate on the computer in the corner of my room. No one will is going to be on, but I might as well, for something to do. With any luck, someone has got to be on; after all it is winter break. I walk over to the computer, turn it on and plop down in the chair and quickly cover myself with a blanket. As soon as it's loaded I go and check my email. 

:: 5 NEW MESSAGES:: 

As I look through them, its mostly junk mail. Except for two, the first one is from JT

TO: smileygurl

FROM: theJOKER

Hey Manny!!

 Just wanted to tell you that I hope you have a great vacation!!!!!!!!! I'll miss you!!

JT

The email brought a smile to my face. JT is such a sweetie. But after that thought, I thought about what I did to him, Ditched him, ditched him for an asshole like Sully. Because suddenly JT was just too young for me? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm going to end up just like Craig. Ah, speak of the devil, the little Lucifer sent me an email…

TO: smileygurl

FROM:overxposed

Manny,

 Listen, I know that right about now, you have to hate me. I fully understand, I wouldn't like me right now either. But you have to understand why all of this happened. And its kind of hard to explain things to someone when they are avoiding them. I went to Ashley's that night with all intentions on breaking up with her. But when I got in there, she gave me her grandfather's guitar that had been in her family and passed down and all that stuff, and I just didn't know what to do. The only reason why I didn't tell you earlier was I don't know... I have no excuse. But you were right; I didn't think that you would find out about my lies, which was wrong of me. I know I was an asshole Manny. But you don't understand, I do love you, I love you more then anything. You never criticize me, or judge me. Your funny, sweet, beautiful, and I love being around you. I know I hurt you, and honestly, that was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I hope that you might be able to forgive me, because honestly, you're all I want. I'll do anything for you, just name it. This time im serious.  You want me to tell off Ash? You got it? Want a diamond? You got it, anything girl, anything….

                                                I love you, more then you know…

                                                                        Craig

I stare at this email in complete shock. I read through it a couple more times, just to take it all in. Oh god? What should I do? I mean should I believe him? I don't want this to end up like last time. But damn I love him so much. Oh god. 

Without even realizing what I was doing I pick up my phone and dial Craig's number.

Ring… ring…

"Hello", A tired voice say

"Ah, Craig?" I stutter out

"Yea? Manny?" He says

"Yes, its me. Listen Craig I just got your email and I wan-" I begin to say before he cuts me off.

"Manny, I need to see you before you leave tomorrow, so we can talk about all this? Can you come here?" He rushes out 

I stop to think for a second, this could end up being really good. But what if he wants me over there to try and have sex with me? He would not do that though.. at least I don't think so..

"Okay, Craig, I'll be over in a little bit" I say as I hang up.

I run over to my mirror, I stare at my pathetic reflection. My hair isn't too bad, but my face is make up tear stained. The puffiness in my eyes has gone down some. But my wardrobe… eh, I am wearing a pair of grey sweat pants that I scrunched the bottoms up to my calves, and a big white shirt. I go over to my closet but quickly change my mind. If Craig really loves me, he is going to love me no matter if I am wearing a cute little outfit, or sweatpants. I quickly put on some mascara and a little bit of eyeliner, grab my shoes and quietly sneak out the door.


	2. Chapter Two

It's freezing outside, but luckily Craig's is only down the street from me. I quickly walk down and knock on the garage door. I nervously wait as I see a shadow coming towards me. Craig opens the door and smiles, I walk in close the door and face him. Before I can say anything he gives me a hug, and grabs my hand and leads me to the couch to sit down.

"Okay, go ahead, yell at me, lecture me, punch me. Whatever you want" He says

I look at him , half way tempted to do all of them, but I stop.

" All right, im going to tell you everything im feeling. You have no idea how much I care about  you. That's why all that time that shit was going on with Ash I stuck by you, because I hoped that you cared about me nearly as much as I care about you and that you would let her go. I tried to wait for you to "work" things out. But it always seemed like you were falling more and more, for her. It was really getting hard on me. Because since last year, I wanted to be what you wanted you. I could never figure out what to do to make me be the perfect girl for you. Seeing you being with Ashley killed me, I felt like I was always going to be your girl on the side, but Ash would always be your girl."

Craig just stared at me as I finished up. He looked shocked all most, I guess all of it just coming out shocked him. I could tell that he was trying to think of something to say.

"Okay, Manny. Well I, I don't really know what to say. I mean, I would say that I'm sorry, but I mean , I know that me saying sorry a million times could never justify what I did to you, and how I made you feel, and I am really sorry." 

I just look at him, his response wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but it was a good start.

"Craig, we need to figure out what is going on. Well actually, you need to figure out what's going on, and what you want. I have to get back; because my parents are going to be getting up real soon so that we can leave."

I got up to leave and he got up to. He walked steadily behind me until I got to the door, I stopped and turned around. He looked at me and kissed me. It was one of those kisses that you feel like you have been waiting for forever. Short, but sweet, the kind you felt meant something. After the kiss I looked up at him, we hugged and just stood there, just enjoying being in each other's arms. 

I ended the embrace, "Well Craig, im going now, good bye." I said quickly as I tried to walk out the door.

He grabbed my arm, "Bye Manny, and Manny, I – I- love you.." He stuttered out

"I love you too"


	3. Chapter Three

As I left Craig's house, I felt a sense of calmness, and happiness. Like everything was finally going to get sorted out and everything would be wonderful, just like I knew it would be. After my happy thoughts, I look up in the sky, soon that happy feeling is drained out. The calmness is replaced with nervousness. The sun is coming up. Ah, god I have no idea what time it is, but the sun is coming up, and that is not a good sign. Quickly I begin to run down the hill to my house.

"Shit, shit, fuck, fuck, this is so bad, so bad, what am I going to say???" I say quietly to myself.

I reach my front door, petrified to walk in. Slowly, I reach for the knob, and walk in.

I walk into the foyer and look through the doorways on my both sides of me, no one in the living room, no T.V. on either. No one in the dining room.. I am way to afraid to check the kitchen, but I don't hear any noise. So I quietly run up the stairs to my bedroom. I begin walking in the hallway thrilled by my sneakiness and good timing! Haha I'm going to fine, I am a master of espionages! I walk down the hall and turn the knob to my room. 

"MANUELLA SANTOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

Is the only thing I hear as I enter my bedroom door, I see my worst fear looking right at me, my Mother and Father sitting on my bed. Maybe I should rethink my career in espionages?

"Where have you been young lady? You had me and your father worried sick about you, we were ready to call the cops?  We look all around the house and you are no where to be found. You don't leave a note? "

"Mamma, Papa, I am really sorry. I got up and early and just wanted to take a little walk before we left, and you know, just to wake me up. I forgot you guys were getting up early, and I thought I would be back before you guys woke up and I didn't think there would be any purpose in leaving you a note." I say, shocked at what I hear myself saying, would they buy it? Is it believable enough, I begin to worry to myself.

"Oh, okay. Well please do not do that again Manny, you had us worried sick!" My Dad yells.

I deeply breathe out, so happy that I made it through.

They leave my room, and I begin to pack my clothes. After a while I get bored and go online. No one is really on, well no one except for J.T.

theJOKER: Ah Manny! How are you this fine day?

Smileygurl: well, I guess I am pretty good J.T. so excited for my trip.

theJOKER: J have fun bring me back something

smileygurl: haha, okay J I will, oh yea I got something to tell you!! Its about me and Craig!

theJOKER: Oh really? I guess your happy, what is it?

Smileygurl: okay, so last night he sent me this email telling me about how much he wants to be with me and how much he loves me and everything. So then I end up talking to him on the phone and I go over to his house and we talk about everything! AHH it looks like everything might actually work out between me and him. Do you have any idea how excited and happy I am J?

TheJOKER: that's wonderful Manny, really I am so happy for you… I hope everything works out this time. 

TheJOKER is away.

After mine and J.T.'s quick conversation no one else is on, so I decide to get offline and continue packing. I mean really, this is like the best day of my life? The guy that I am in love with wants to work things out with me and he loves me too, also, im going on a cruise!! Hello, so why do I have this really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach?


	4. Chapter Four

I stare at the clock, its 5:30, we are leaving to get to the airport in about an hour to fly to the Florida so we can go on the cruise. The bad feeling in the pit of my stomach has been growing, it has now taken over my entire body, I feel sick to my stomach, and I don't want to move. I'm just sitting on my bed I don't want to move. My phone rings, I wait till the 5th ring to finally go over and pick it up.

"Hello beautiful" 

I sit for a second, I didn't bother to look at the caller ID before I picked it up, it sounds like Craig but slightly I don't know different?

"Hey mystery man, who is this?" I reply with a laugh.

"Well I am shocked ::laughs::, it's me CRAIG!" He says and puts his voice back to normal

I smile and my whole body feels warm, and suddenly that bad feeling is totally forgotten and I am so happy.

"Hey hun! Im leaving soon I can't believe it" 

" I know you are, that's why I called you, I am kind of tied up right now, im watching Angie and she's sick so there is no way I can come meet you or I would, but I just wanted to tell you to have fun and that I will miss you so much." He says

"Aww baby, thanks I'm going to miss you too! Don't do anything bad either!"  
I reply with another laugh

We talk for a few more moments before we hang up as my parents call me down so that we can leave.

On my way to the airport,  I realized how happy I was to be leaving Degrassi. In a way, I wanted to stay here and be with Craig, but then again

I was happy to be away from everyone. Because, the reality of it was, Craig wasn't the only one who needed to figure everything out.


	5. Chapter Five

10 days later…………

I walk back into my house feeling relaxed and happy, the cold Canadian weather depressed me at first but I am so happy to be home. It's early Saturday, around 5 am, so I can sleep for the rest of the morning and then I can hang out with my friends, and most importantly Craig. I run up the stairs to my room with my suitcase so I can take care of my clothes. I take a look in my full length mirror on the back of my door. I must admit, I look pretty damn good. My tan is much deeper, and my dark brown hair now has sun kissed highlights, my face is still a little pink but it all looks really wonderful together. My stomach fills up with an excited feeling; I can't wait for Craig to see me! I finish unpacking and crawl under the covers.

I wake up 7 hours later at 12. I feel so refresh and happy. I turn over and grab my cell phone of my bed stand. I quickly dial Craig's number,

"Hey Hun" He answers

"Ahh! Craig! I am so excited to be back!"

"When did you get in?" He asks

"Around 5 AM, but I was wondering if you wanted to do something? I missed you so much while I was gone." 

"Yea, of course. Would you mind coming down here though? Angie once again isn't feeling well." He says

"I would go anywhere to be with you" I say without thinking

::he laughs:: "Alright Manny, I'll see  you in a little"

We get off the phone and I rush over to my closet, I pull of a bright turquoise shirt that really brings out my tan, and a pair of dark blue hip huggers, I quickly grab some jewelry and put on my make up. 

I start walking down to Craig's a little slower the normal. I had been doing a lot of thinking over break, and now I'm more confused then ever about what to do. Every time I hear his voice, I just get so happy it washes away everything that is going wrong in my life. I love that feeling; I don't know what I would do with out it. But on the other hand, I am still not so sure if this is what I really need.


End file.
